After an easy pregnancy, Casey came into the world after a long, strenuous, complicated and painful delivery - but he was worth every tear, scream and stitch (sorry if TMI). He was/is beautiful and my life changed the second I saw him. The recovery was very difficult due to my extensive tearing and Casey being sideways, but I was on the mend when my appendix decided it needed to be liberated. Now, that that was out of the way, I was on the mend again. In the meantime, my milk never really came in and he was not getting enough to eat. The surgery complicated the matter even more and I was in too much pain from the appendectomy to continue. I feel guilty but take comfort knowing I wasnt breastfed along with millions of perfectly healthy, intelligent people. Casey is growing just fine and he is hitting all of his milestones, even with formula.
The last three months were difficult without making me angry or frustrated. They were just hard in a good way. Casey and I went our first walks and we went to the beach. We visited dad at work and went out to dinner with our families. We watched too much tv (which has completely stopped)and every once a while we slept in. We got to know each other and I got my first smile and my first giggle - which melted my heart. I see him melt the hearts of his extended family and it makes me so happy.
I had my first meeting for work today and it really hit home - I wasnt going to be able to hang out with my son every day - now I am going to cry. The bright side is that he will be with family when he is not with me and that could not make happier or more grateful. I am so excited that he will get to know his auntie Sandi and Grandma Joanna every week. I will make a concerted effort to make sure all his other aunties and uncles and grandparents are a very big part of his life as well. You all know how much family means to me. I also want to acknowledge the extremely gracious and generous Donna, my Doula for her support. My delivery was so excessive and she was there to calm me every step of the way - even when I didnt listen to her when I should have.
Well, this time next week I will be teaching a class and I am sure every cell in my body will wish I was with Casey, but he will be with Dad and that makes me happy and secure. I guess going back to work signals the next step in our journey - the real world. Casey has changed my priorities and made me stop and smell the roses - he chilled me out and made more aware of life. I am happier with him around. I am much more fulfilled and CANNOT wait to help him explore all the fun things I have in store for him. First up - his first Padre game, then the zoo.
The pictures here are mostly from the belated Easter celebration with one of Casey's families (my side)! As usual, a good time was had by all, even if Casey was pissed off about his pants :)!
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